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How do you like my boobs?

Zakk has a little write-up about boots and bikes in Copenhagen today.  Specifically, these boots, with the fuzzy, furry top always remind me of a little incident a few years back at a Steak ‘n Shake in St. Louis.

Darrick and I sauntered in, probably around midnight, to partake of coffee and pie and chili 5-way in our regular late night (and early morning) hang out.  We were regulars, as were most of the other late night clientele.  We passed the first booth heading into the smoking section and I heard her ask, “Hey, Scott.  How do you like my boobs?”  WTF?  I turned and met them, jiggling and round and full behind a not-really-there, low cut blouse.  “Um…ah…”  I tried to speak but my mouth was already open, my chin closer to the deck than is socially acceptable.  This lovely young lady (more a girl than woman) had invited me to gaze upon her very ample bossom.  Tom Petty’s “Don’t Do Me Like That” raced through my head.  I looked around for the four horsemen.

“BOOTS!”  Darrick was behind me trying to not laugh.  “How do you like her BOOTS?”

Wha?  And there it was.  One foot was stuck out from under the booth, waving frantically trying to get my attention.  They were the kind with the fuzzy, furry top that ended in a leg which, in turn, seemed to go on forever before disappearing behind the world’s shortiest skirt.  “Um, yeah, they’re nice.”  But I was really answering the imagined question.  What guy wouldn’t.

I sat down quickly with my back to her, trying to hide my new, very red complexion.  Darrick didn’t mind.  He got to spend the rest of the night looking at her boobs.

Posted 04 September 2008 † the Sloth § Cult classic ‡ Comments (1)

Critical Mass

Harrisburg’s 3rd Critical Mass took place yesterday.  9 or 10 of us, I guess, rode a few miles around the city in the rain.  In all, it was very uneventful.  No one fell, no one was hassled and no one got arrested.  I snapped a few pics just before we got started, but since it was raining I opted to keep the camera dry for the ride.

I did get a chance to meet Bone.  We briefly discussed the possibility of a ramble and now I see he’s put up an open invitation on his blog for a Pine Creek Rail Trail ride this fall.  Can’t wait!

Posted 30 August 2008 † the Sloth § Bicycle ‡ Comments (0)

Knees are jerking in Iowa

Back in 2004, during RAGBRAI, a gentleman by the name of Kirk Ullrich crashed when his front tire slipped into a joint in the pavement.  His injuries were fatal.  Eight other cyclists crashed in the same area.  That section of road was then closed.

Not surprisingly, Mr. Ullrich’s widow filed suit, claiming that Crawford County had a duty to warn road user of the hazards and failed to do so.  As it turns out a deputy sheriff had been posted there to warn riders of the road condition.  He left before Mr. Ullrich crashed and took the orange cones with him.  The county settled out of court and admitted no wrongdoing.  During the course of the suit/settlement the county’s attorney made this retarded statement:

(The attorney) also stated the road is not designed for cyclists, but for motorists, and that the county’s duty to protect bike riders is not the same as its duty to protect motorists. He had filed testimony from a civil engineer stating the county had conducted proper maintenance on the road.

Read more here.  Turns out, Iowa has a traffic code, too, and it covers bicycles. Bicycles have the same rights and responsibilities as cars.

Crawford county recently passed a new ordinance effectively outlawing groups of cyclists.  Sounds to me like the powers-that-be in Crawford County, and their attorney, have forgotten that we have a 14th Ammendment.  And a 2nd Ammendment.  We gots one of those, too.

I’m sure a couple quick Googly searches will turn up lots more than I’ve shared.   Man, if my knee jerked that hard it would probably break my nose.

Wow.  Just, wow.

Editor’s note - I misspelled Mr. Ullrich’s name in my original post.  It’s been corrected.  My apologies.

Posted 26 August 2008 † the Sloth § Bicycle ‡ Comments (1)

Gentlemen, start your geek

Found this one over at Armed and Dangerous.  Brought back some serious memories of not dating, not partying, not smoking pot and generally having myself a really good time.  D&D was second only to playing the tuba.  In the marching band.

I Am A: True Neutral Human Wizard (5th Level)

Ability Scores:
Strength-13
Dexterity-10
Constitution-13
Intelligence-17
Wisdom-13
Charisma-13

Alignment:
True Neutral A true neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. He doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most true neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil after all, he would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, he’s not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some true neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. True neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. However, true neutral can be a dangerous alignment because it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Race:
Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard’s strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

Posted 26 August 2008 † the Sloth § Cult classic ‡ Comments (1)

Plug - NCCF

I wrote about this a while back.  Do it again.  You know you want need to.  Here’s where:

Mark’s PDML Shop
National Childhood Cancer Foundation

Posted 22 August 2008 † the Sloth § Pentax ‡ Comments (0)

Plans and Tried and Liked and Didn’t

There are these crazy people in Italy who ride their classic road bikes on dirt roads every year.  They call it l’Eroica.  And there are some nutters up north who take 2 days to ride 85 miles on old 3-speeds.  And ever since I became enlightened about these events I’ve had a soft spot for ancient bicycles.  English 3-speeds are easy enough to find.  But those single speed racing bikes of the 30s, well, they’re either broken, or in a museum, or both.  So that’s a bummer.

A little British bike maker called Pashely decided to make a bike just for me, bless their hearts.  And in keeping with the spirit of all things I covet, they decided to price it well above my means.  Go figure.  So screw it, I’m building my own.

You may recall the Continental that I droned on about a while back.  I still have it, still ride it, still love it.  The geometry of that bike, while not 1930s racer geometry, is really very slack compared to modern road machines.  So she’s going to the powder coater soon for bead blasting and some gloss black paint.  The dress code calls for flipped 3-speed bars and cork grips.  I scrounged some 38mm whitewall tires and the brakes from the touring bike will be transplanted, too.  It won’t be exact, but it will be still be fixed, and it will definitely have a few more coolness points once it’s done.  And the name - the Screaming Yellow Zonker - well, you don’t change your name when you change your clothes, do you?

The MTB is also going in for paint.  But probably not until next spring.  Orange.  Nissan A16 to be specific.  Because orange is the fastest color.

Flat pedals with no clips.  I thought I liked clips and straps a lot, but I just couldn’t solve the hot spot problems with my right foot.  Turns out that riding without retention is the way to go.

Drop bars.  I thought I needed them, but I can’t get comfy.  The Zonker is the last bike I have with them and they’re going away.

Indexed shifting.  My conscience tells me to hate them, to embrace my inner retro-grouch, to shun the cyclists with “brifters”.  Folks, indexed shifting rocks my world.  Brifters are still gay.

Posted 14 August 2008 † the Sloth § Bicycle ‡ Comments (3)

Unrealistic Realistic Goals

So I’ve been thinking about things I’d like to do on a bicycle (No, not that, Cog. ) and I’ve come up with a few goals that are probably doable, but I’ll probably never get around to doing.

  • Beat Kent Peterson’s single speed time for the GDR.   Now, I’ve never met Kent, but I understand he’s a fairly accomplished cyclist.  However, he’s not Superman and sooner or later someone will beat his time.  Could it be me?  Mebbe.  If I work my ass off for the next five years.  If Christie actually lets me go.  But in all reality it ain’t gonna happen.  At least not before someone else does it.
  • Join the Confrérie des Cent Cols.  I posted about this last time.  It’s certainly something that can be done.  There are real, live people in the club right now, so I know it’s possible.  I can get most of the requirements taken care of quite close to home and I’ll probably get at least a few.  But finding passes over 6500 feet is going to be problematic. Which leads me to my next goal -
  • Ride the Loveland Pass.  It will be a while before I’m fit enough to do this; most likely years before I can get there.  Other interests will capture my motivation some time next month, I’m sure.
  • I wanna go to Alaska.

I suppose I’ve been like this most of my life.  Interests wax and wane with the moon.  I’ve never really finished anything my hands and mind started.  Dad says I’m a procrastinator, and he’s right.  But I’m also a dreamer.  And that ain’t so bad, as it keeps me from getting too terribly bored.

If you are a dreamer, come in,
If you are a dreamer, a wisher, a liar,
A hope-er, a pray-er, a magic bean buyer…
If you’re a pretender, come sit by my fire
For we have some flax-golden tales to spin.
Come in!
Come in! 

–Shel Silverstein

Now for a more realistic goal.  Tomorrow I’ll air up the flat tire on the Collegiate and go get a case of beer.

Posted 14 August 2008 † the Sloth § Bicycle ‡ Comments (6)

Pass Hunter

Not too terribly long ago Chris Kulczycki turned me on to pass hunting.  So I went digging through the intarweb only to find a whole lot of nothing about “passes” in Pennsylvania.  Today I did it again and found this.  Woohoo!  So I have a new hobby and Christie doesn’t like Chris.

Just kidding.

From the American Heritage Dictionary:  Gap n.   2.  An opening through mountains; a pass.  A PASS!

From the looks of it I think I can spend a day or two around Donnellytown or Col. Denning State Park and hit about 6 or 7.  There are more than enough within riding or easy driving distance to qualify for the the club.  The problem is that I also have to ride over at least 5 that are above 2,000 meters.  That’s 6,500 feet, folks.  And Pennsylvania ain’t got nothing that high.  So it looks like I’ll have to do some traveling.  North Carolina and New Hampshire are promising.  Failing that, I’ll have to head west a long, long way.  Yeah, that would be, like, terrible.

One other thing.  The rules don’t specify how far one has to ride.  We’ll assume that the intention is that you ride from one side of the pass to the other (at a minimum).  It seems fair to me to pick two towns on the map that are on opposite sides of the gap and ride from one to the other.  If anyone reading this has a better idea, please let me know.

Anyway, here are a few links about Pass Hunting (I’ll add to them as I find them).  There’s not a lot out there right now, and most of it’s not in English (the nerve of some people).  And for those of you with more money than me, Velo-Orange can build you a bicycle specifically for this insane undertaking.

http://velo-orange.blogspot.com/search?q=pass+hunter

http://passhunting.blogspot.com/

Posted 10 August 2008 † the Sloth § Bicycle ‡ Comments (3)

Sneaking around behind my Wife’s back

“The Tiger in the Pantry” will have to wait.  It was supposed to be a very short story for my girls, like the kind that gets turned into a board book with shit artwork and two sentences on all 10 pages.  But it’s kinda getting bloated and some new characters wandered in with their own damn plot.  The tiger, who used to be stuffed, is now real and talks.  I think he had a conversation with the dragon last night, but the booze has clouded my memory.  I’ll ask him later.  Anyway, the barbarians are just making mess of the whole thing, and once they’re gone I think I can cut it down to 50 or 60 pages.  So don’t hold your breath.

Tonight’s topic is “love affairs”.  Not the kind that end in divorce and child support and severed, um, well……but rather the kind that no one notices.  (And they’re not about sex, so pull your head out of the treatment plant.)  Like that girl doing her best ever balance beam performance on the barricade between the bridge and I-83 last night.  She and I could have been something.  Except that I kept driving.  And I kinda have a wife and kids.  Plus, I forgot about her by the time I got home.  For about 20 seconds, though, she was it.

There’s that girl I used to chat with online.  No, we didn’t do “that”.

Nikkala Stott.  (The title of this post is a joke, but don’t tell her about Nikkala.  Like, for real.)

Meg Ryan.  Before the plastic surgery.  And 20 years ago.  But she’s still chipmunk cute.

And my latest infatuation.  Christie knows.  And she’s cool with it.  I think it has something to do with the fact that she’s younger, hipper, more athletic, smarter and more employable than me.  Plus she’s a few (thousand) miles north.  But seriously, if she lived next door I still wouldn’t have a chance in hell.  So I’ll just keep reading and having my 20 second delusions from time to time.

Robert Fulghum  wrote about this in one of his books and did a much better job explaining it.  So go read that already.

But the best part of this is that right now I gotta go tuck the girls in to bed.  Just a few (thousand) miles south.

Posted 01 August 2008 † the Sloth § Cult classic ‡ Comments (1)

More core dump

Clearing the cobwebs.  Bear with me (unless you want to bare with me).

Put some new tires on the MTB.  Bontrager Select Inverts.  Good for the streets.  Not so much for wet fire trails.  Unless you like white knuckles, that is.

Climbed my fat butt up to the Fairview Township Park yesterday.  It’s only about 4 miles from home, but it took me half an hour to get there.  Coming back down was fun.  I didn’t realize just how fast I was going until the cars stopped passing me and I started to gain on the ones ahead.  Only 10 minutes to get home.  Wheee!  In all, about 15 miles yesterday.

I found myself at Negley Park Monday night.  That was a heck of a climb, too.  Coming down wasn’t nearly as fun as yesterday’s ride.  I think about 9 miles Monday.

5 miles so far today.  Pulling a trailer with children inside.  Hills tonight.

Last Friday morning the legs felt heavy, so I skipped the Critical Mass ride.  Kinda bummed about that, but I really didn’t feel like saddling up.  If’n yer interested, there are write-ups here and here.

I’m thinking about selling the Pentax 645 kit.  Not that I really want to, but it’s just not getting the workout it deserves.  And I could use the cashola.  FWIW, the A35 is one helluva good lens.

Up next:  The Tiger in the Pantry.

Peace.

Posted 30 July 2008 † the Sloth § Photography § Bicycle ‡ Comments (5)